The more authentic our desires, the more they touch upon our identities and also upon the reality of God at the heart of our being. Our most authentic desires spring ultimately from the deep inner wells where the longing for God runs freely.
Phillip Sheldrake, Befriending Our Desires
"I want to ask you a question - don't think about it, just tell me the first thing that comes to your heart. If you could do anything you wanted, what would it be?" It was a question that caught me off guard. In the midst of a discussion of my family's future and where God was leading us, a good friend asked me to share the longing of my heart. There were to be no filters, no assessments, no posturing, no hiding, and no shading. What did I want? Really?
Read: Mark 10:46-52
46 And they came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. 47 And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" 48 And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" 49 And Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." And they called the blind man, saying to him, "Take heart. Get up; he is calling you." 50 And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. 51 And Jesus said to him, "What do you want me to do for you?" And the blind man said to him, "Rabbi, let me recover my sight." 52 And Jesus said to him, "Go your way; your faith has made you well." And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way. (ESV, emphasis mine)
Try to imagine yourself in Bartimaeus' place. You're sitting in the hot desert sun. You're blind so you can't see what's going on. You're begging by the entrance to the village. You rely completely on what you can hear and it's been quiet for some time when suddenly, there's a commotion in the distance...Jesus is coming! The teacher you hear so many talking about! The one who heals people and who gives sight to the blind and makes the lame walk!
As you imagine yourself in the place of need, how do you get Jesus' attention? What do you say or do? What feelings well up in your heart?
And then, Jesus calls for you. Suddenly you're standing before him. What's he doing? And after a silent moment that seems to stretch forever, he says to you, "What do you want me to do for you?"
What do you want Jesus to do for you? What is your heart's longing? Take time to sit with him and tell him. You might journal your response or go for a run or walk to help you process. However you do it, tell him what you want him to do for you! Be honest!
After you've taken time to pour out your heart - unfiltered, without assessment, posturing, hiding or shading - if there's something you sense Jesus would have you do, do it! But don't feel compelled to do anything. Enjoy the intimacy of one who loves you deeply and is fully focused on your heart's desire.